Thursday, June 18, 2009

"Will I"

I was given the idea to make a blog just about the journey ahead of me. I don't know if this blog will end up just being about my current situation. But, I'm sure it will be the primary focus for sure. I wanted to start off with the song that inspired the title for this. "Will I" is a song from the musical Rent. The characters are at a meeting, a group therapy session if you will, and are talking about their concerns and fears given the medical crisis they are facing. It's a song that resonates deeply within me.

"Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?"

It's a simple chorus that is repeated a few times through. That is where I am right now. I'm worried about losing my dignity. Worried about being alone, about people not caring. Worried about seeing this through to the other side.

Now, to explain all of this.
I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma about a month back.

I am almost 27 years old, losing my hair from chemo, and fighting for my life.

I have the strength I need to get through it because of Rent. When I am having a bad day, and feeling down about it all, I listen to the soundtrack. The music touches me in ways I can't even begin to explain. The lyrics and melodies take me to a place that makes me strong. It also reminds me to live each day as though it may be my last, to love everyone completely and to cherish what time I do have. But most importantly, to never stop fighting. The song "Will I" resonates deep within my soul. I never thought my love of RENT could get any stronger but I was mistaken. It went from being a musical that I was a huge fan of to a story that gave me the will to fight.

As such, you will probably see me quoting a lot of songs from the musical here along with giving random updates as to my health and status and whatnot.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there are truly a survivor and I will lift you up in prayers daily. Know that you are not alone. You have many supporters out there for you and I am always one of them. I heard a while back but, I was waiting for you to contact me and tell me. If there's anything you need just give me a call you still have my number. Have a great trip! I've never been to Boston.